Sobriety After Six Years

I know why I drank. in lieu of drinking, I write & paint, but the negative self-talk still comes through when I am ambushed. There are people who don't have a mosaic brain. This is my problem, my mosaic brain. My family are the most important people to me, that's a problem; I ruined relations with most of them, but I have to say that I felt disengaged to most people since I was a child. The first memory of this unhealthy kind of detachment is my distanced feeling, most of the time, that I felt around my Dad. I laid in bed and imagined him dead; casket, pall-bearers. I would lay there in the dark and imagine that scene until I felt sad, until I got tearful, until I felt love. August 1969 I married for my career. I was ensconced in more than one career-choice internship, basically doing what I wanted to do with my degree already in my Freshman year. The husband-to-be was "the hub of the school", popular with the movers and shakers that ran the Bible college, ...

Since running off the rails I lost this concept. When I said “Fuck it, I am through”, I threw out all my truisms along with the baby and the bathwater. I really did abandon all hope. Today I am beginning to restore this little room in my heart-mansion. http://fractalenlightenment.com/31005/life/how-to-follow-the-path-of-least-resistance My thoughts lie to me. My body does not. Before this Sober journey,I had a saying, I made it up myself from experience. I’d say it to myself and to those I care about, “It matters where your body is”. THIS IS What I Meant:“Your thoughts will lie to you. They will tell you eating a quart of ice cream is a good idea & then after you do it, they will tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself. Your body-mind cannot lie, it’s the tension you feel in your body when you are around certain people, the upset stomach you get when you are in a stressful situation, the tightness in your chest you get when someone or something makes you une...