I know why I drank. in lieu of drinking, I write & paint, but the negative self-talk still comes through when I am ambushed. There are people who don't have a mosaic brain. This is my problem, my mosaic brain. My family are the most important people to me, that's a problem; I ruined relations with most of them, but I have to say that I felt disengaged to most people since I was a child. The first memory of this unhealthy kind of detachment is my distanced feeling, most of the time, that I felt around my Dad. I laid in bed and imagined him dead; casket, pall-bearers. I would lay there in the dark and imagine that scene until I felt sad, until I got tearful, until I felt love. August 1969 I married for my career. I was ensconced in more than one career-choice internship, basically doing what I wanted to do with my degree already in my Freshman year. The husband-to-be was "the hub of the school", popular with the movers and shakers that ran the Bible college, ...